Friday, January 13, 2006

The Cold Wind

Just inside I hear laughter fades...and I hear it's coming...
The whistling winds...the pelting of normally precious raindrops...and I try to ignore it...
But I feel it...again...the sorrow of the world...sneaking into my soul...uninvited...

Like water, it pours in...filling me with dread...
I try to fight it, but it pushes its way in...tearing me up inside as it does...

Just before, my heart soared...flying like an eagle through the clouds, without a care below
And, now, without warning...without reason near or far, my beautiful bird falls from the sky...

why? you ask...I have no answer
never have...

Will it pass?
Of course...eventually

Such is the curse of a passionate soul...a wandering spirit
Its course always unknown but never stagnant

The cold wind will blow..the storm will make itself known
The blanket of snow will cover me until the sun warms my face again...

Until then I dream...deep within...

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Seeing him cry was a lot harder than I had remembered. It didn't happen often and I wish it would never happen again.

I have been with him for about 13 years, about 9 1/2 of which, we have been married. I have grown to love him more than I thought would ever be possible. In that time, my love has changed and evolved to the point past the usefulness of words.

It was the funeral of one of two father figures in his youth. His biological father is only a distant memory, his stepfather a horrible and tormenting memory. Both had failed him terribly, but this man, just a father of two of his best friends, took him under his wing.

His name was Terry Warlick and he meant a lot to my love. On a day after school when he was just trying to avoid the persecution he would surely face at home, this man sat and
listened, offering seasoned advice.

It was with this man's sons he learned to play football, took his first fall from a skateboard & got harassed for kissing his first girlfriend. Through thick & thin, no matter how bad things at home were, this man was always ready to take him in.

That's why it was such a shock when we found out the news. Terry Warlick had gone to his bedroom Saturday afternoon to take a nap. He had said he was feeling fine, just a little tired. A couple hours later, his son had come to visit. Knowing his father to be a light sleeper, he was surprised he didn't hear him knock. He found his father, unexpectedly dead at the age of 54.

I have cried my eyes out for this man and his family...a man who, regardless of blood, took my one true love in and comforted him, laughed with him, helped him through so much. That is a real man.

So, to Terry tonight, I send my ultimate final respects. I will do my best to look after your loved ones. I will check on them from time to be sure they are moving on with life. And, I would also like to thank you so much for helping to mold my wonderful husband into the passionate, loving, caring, and helpful person that he is today.

Thank you also for reminding all of us just how short life can be and how, that within the next brief hour, it could all be pulled away without we must make each and every day count, because it could all be gone tomorrow.

May you rest in peace always, Terry. Farewell.

Sunday, January 08, 2006

The Long Walk Home...

Late one cold winter night a sad and lonely lady walked aimlessly down the street. Her hair was wild and knotted and her clothing showed signs of disrepair. She mumbled under her breath in ways that would make a passer-by laugh and peered around her locks at invisible monsters that existed only in her head.

But a charming young man, stylishly dressed, though not without pain himself, walked up upon the lady. He noticed her terrible condition and because of his good nature, felt pity on her soul. Knowing he could not simply pass her by without rendering her some sort of emotional comfort, he took her arm gently. It was like electricity shot through her blood when she felt his hand clasp around her arm...fulfilling a need she had not felt in a very long time. His friendship was a warm blanket, covering her shoulders from the drafty northern winds which, when they came, showed little mercy on her.

Knowing she was in an irregular state, the good man offered to walk with the lady to her home. He could smell the scent of liquor on her breath, and could see the despair in her once-bright eyes.

On the way, they talked about everything under the stars. The lady laughed. He laughed too. He listened to her, with slurred words, explain her problems and heartache. Without any concern about his own pain, he trudged on, though mudpuddles and snowpiles. No matter how bad it got, he was there for her to help her though. He listened to her like no one else had in a long time.

Almost halfway along the journey, the lady, face sunken in with despair realized what pain and inconvenience she must surely be causing the man. In a moment of doubt and conscience, she stopped, hand in hand with him, looked him in the eye and waited. She waited for the words to tell him how much she enjoyed his company and how nice of a man he was. The words didn't come out. Then she tried to tell him he did not have to help her the rest of the way home if it was bothering him, but those couldn't come out either. She was so lonely, so misdirected, so lost, that she clung to greed, and chose not to offer to set him free. She had already come to love the man for his warm friendship, compassion and company.

So they walked and walked,joked, and laughed, without a single complaint from the man. And the lady just waited for the moment when he would take his leave of her and be on his way. She prayed it would never come. And it never did.

When she was safely at her front doorstep, she thanked the man for his kindness in escorting her to safety, but she never felt she thanked him enough. She had never had anyone show such a genuine concern for her well-being. He went on his way home and the lady watched as he walked away and the void felt suddenly larger again.

But the man, like a true friend, often stopped by to visit with the lady, to see how she was, if even just to lend a shoulder. And although the visits got further and further apart, the lady knew inside that it was not they that were growing apart but that they were both growing stronger and wiser. She would still get sad and lonely from time to time, but it helped her to remember that walk, that one cold winter night.

Many years have passed and both the man and the woman have grown very old. But, no matter how busy he may be, the man still stops by from time to time & it warms her heart to see him smile. She realizes even more now, while the fire flickers in the hearth, what a truly rare gift a true friend is and what a fool she was not to have treasured the friendship more when it was right in front of her. She only hopes the man knows how much he means to her. Maybe someday he will.
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