Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Stitching The Darkness...


Why is it that sometimes it feels good to feel bad? Some of us feel too much. Some of us feel bad too much, and for no good reason. More importantly though is why some of us who feel bad too much grow to become too attached to that "bad" side....to the point of morphing into some new breed of human....with the masochistic darkness stitched into our bleeding souls becoming an inseparable part of us. They call us "a little distant", "a little off", a little "eccentric"...Are we destined to struggle pointlessly through life, only to find once it is over that we wasted most of it bathing sinfully in the sludge of our own demise?

"Take this pill" and you will feel "normal", they tell us. We take the little pill to make them happy, to continue on as productive members of society, wearing that fake smile, driving the all-so-fitting SUV to work in the little grey cubicles with "only one personal item allowed". Just so the machine can keep turning, bringing in more money to buy more oil from the Arabs to drive our SUV's and to continue the mad cycle of existence.

So maybe the pain is an escape from that mundane existence, that rat race, hamster wheel we call "success". The pain is all yours, something you own. Maybe that's why it sometimes feels so good to feel so bad, because we actually know at that point that we are FEELING and are ALIVE to be ABLE to feel at all. Not just some plastic doll going through the motions at the gym, the golf course, the cubicle, and the soccer practice.

Maybe we aren't so far from normal to begin with. Maybe its our normalcy we actually seek through our pain and suffering that reminds us we are still alive.

On that note, I leave you with one of my favorite songs...by Garbage:

I’m only happy when it rains
I’m only happy when it’s complicated

And though I know you can’t appreciate it
I’m only happy when it rains
You know I love it when the news is bad
Why it feels so good to feel so sad
I’m only happy when it rains

Pour your misery down
Pour your misery down on me
Pour your misery down
Pour your misery down on me

I’m only happy when it rains
I feel good when things are going wrong
I only listen to the sad, sad songs

I’m only happy when it rains
I only smile in the dark
My only comfort is the night gone black
I didn’t accidentally tell you that
I’m only happy when it rains
You’ll get the message by the time I’m through
When I complain about me and you
I’m only happy when it rains

Pour your misery down...
Pour your misery down on me...
pour your misery down
Pour your misery down on me...

You can keep me company
As long as you don’t care
I’m only happy when it rains
You want to hear about my new obsession
I’m riding high upon a deep depression

I’m only happy when it rains...
pour some misery down on me
I’m only happy when it rains....
pour some misery down on me
I’m only happy when it rains...
pour some misery down on me
I’m only happy when it rains...
pour some misery down on me
I’m only happy when it rains...
pour some misery down on me...
pour some misery down on me...
pour some misery down on me...
pour some misery down on me

2 Comments:

Anonymous jewlee said...

I found your site through Globe of Blogs. What part of Texas are you in? We seem to have similar interests and wanted to know if we were geographically close :)

23:15  
Blogger Chick With A Gun said...

Hey Jewlee. Thanks for saying hi and thanks for stopping in to read my blog. I checked yours out and I find it interesting & agree with you that we might have a few things in common. I don't think, however, that we are geographically close as I am located in the panhandle of Texas and it seems you are a bit further south. But I would still like to chat. :)

10:27  

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